Yesterday marked the annual International Men’s Day across the globe. I doubt that many men commemorated the day. The truth is, we continue to ignore the fact that a man is more vulnerable in today’s society, especially to the societal pressure that leaves their mental health in shambles. Sad as it may be, being a man in modern society could as well be perceived as a generational curse that is not likely to be broken for generations unless we change our ways and search our hearts for the humanity that we lost. Contacts on my mobile shared an image on social media, a meme that cunningly meant to remind me of the demeanor in which some women hold us. Why else would you mark the momentous day meant to appreciate the male figures in society; brothers, sons, and fathers, on the same day as the World Toilet Day? A coincidence or a blatant insult to the collective that is the male gender? I know at this point you are reading this and thinking, “Why are you so sensitive?” At this point, I don’t really give a fuck about your opinion because this is my time to speak, with a fire burning in my soul and my mind as sharp as a blade kissed by a wet stone.

No one ever teaches you what a man is supposed to be, but they are quick to impose on what you should not be. They teach you to hold back your tears and not let them see you cry, to bottle up your struggles and tribulations because a man is supposed to be tough and sturdy. A study conducted by the media entity BBC revealed that men are three times more likely to commit suicide than women. The fiery feminists will come at me with propaganda that a large number of women are diagnosed with depression as compared to men. Yet this very piece of statistical evidence betrays their crusade. It is no secret that the instruments placed to combat depression cases in society are mostly made available for women and children. Disregarding men’s mental health is showing its ugly face in our societies, slowly eating away at the prospects of a society where men are revered as pillars of the family institution.

I never had a father growing up. Over two decades, I have had to navigate the murky waters of masculinity almost by myself. My father, in all his awe and glory from the stories that have been told to me, was a kind and gentleman. He was considerate and hard-working, always with the mind to put the needs of those he loved before his own. But he died, in his prime and while full of promise. His life served as a marker for mine and I dreamed of walking in his footsteps, his shoes would definitely not fit me. Ironic, considering I have big feet. Then again, learning what masculinity means in a world where men are prejudiced based on physical appearances and material capability is like swimming against an ocean tide expecting to be safe. The saline water blinds your eyes, the furious waves kill your strength and eventually you drown, swallowed into the darkness of the sea.

Losing a friend or loved one to suicide can scar one for life. A fate that many have had to endure because men were never given a chance to feel or heal. As I live and breathe, how then will I tell my son that he should avoid the allure of a beautiful lady? How do I tell him that society will always conspire against him? You only live once… seems like men and women live in different worlds though. Reminds me of an afternoon that I was cycling home from buying groceries at the market. A young lady walking in front of me dropped some money. A new and shiny two hundred shillings note. My finances had just been depleted after buying groceries and I could have simply picked up the note, put it in my pocket, and cycled away happily. But my conscience would not let me walk away with money that was not rightfully mine.

Even despite this, when I tried stopping the lady, she snubbed me and walked on. I was insistent, I tried again, and again she ignored my attempt at stopping her. She must have thought I was a creep hitting on her by the roadside. That was the last thing on my mind. The relentless heat from the sun was nothing compared to the weight of the groceries on my back and I was riding a bicycle that was notably not safe for the road, it had no brakes! Eventually, she stopped after I got agitated and told her in a firm voice that I was just stopping her because she had dropped her money. She took the note and started walking off again, not even grateful for the courtesy call that I extended. Frankly, after the incident, I find myself rather unbothered to intervene in any situation that may involve being looked at as if I were a potential thief or rapist because that was the look I saw in her eyes when I tried doing a kind deed.

So then, on a day dedicated to the men out there, I implore you, rise up above the stigma and the hate and empower yourselves. Be a man that is true to duty as the needle to the pole. Remember that feeling and hurting is human. A man is not judged by how many times he can take a hit and fall, but by the times he can gather the strength to get back up on his feet. My message goes without apology, men must seek to attain mental stability and prosperity, we deserve the love that we so freely give to those who we are obliged to care for. I do not have the answers to who a man should be or what it means, but I firmly believe that we can be better, for ourselves and for our loved ones.